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no one is worth every won.

by Suyoung Jang

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1.
when i met you you were scribbling on the page with expert calligraphy the name of my next mistake never did i think that you belong in my book of half written songs i guess we were both trying hard to find the right names to complete our respective lines we shook hands like a business deal is that why i did not feel? (anything as you walked away) we signed our names as a joke but to me it was hope that you would stay more than a heartless act it was a breach of contract dancing in your favorite sundress it's infliction of emotional distress
2.
while i defend my title as the champion of whining she sits there and sips her cheap Champagne and wine in Twin plastic cups whose rims are now outlined with Her lipstick a color I still remember i can tell she's bored with the conversation she doesn't seem to get the source of my frustration the inability to engender your pity is making me lose hope in us i never knew it'd come to this but I have grown so desperate i'm talking to these walls i'm digging up your past again i miss the irony of talking up solitude the look in your eyes was all that it took to confuse me for a second that this would be permanent But you know how it ends
3.
i told you everything you need to hear from me your temporary stay was quite endearing at least you left the bed made your goodbye was the best part our goodbye was the best part your goodbye was the best part you drove away on your vespa
4.
"what brought us together will tear us apart" cliches are always my favorite starts when we finally look beyond our hands we'll nod at the numbers like we understand your face was fading from my dreams it's harder to let go of what you have yet to see i needed you for i desperately wanted an audience to all my thoughts written in the future tense your ambitious wandering, the perfection combination to my bewildered eyes looking for direction. i hate that for every lie you believe me it's harder to let go when you know you have to leave if the Great Lakes winds keep me away from you could you wait for the serenity of June? when the colorless Midwest takes away your blush could I paint you new life with the stroke of a brush? with so many questions to laugh over it's harder to let go when there is still no answer.
5.
she made the confession not long after we made conversation she loves animals she is vegetarian her mother worried her malnutrition would turn her green she made the compromise and ate fish for protein i joked that pesceterian is the easy way out i trudged through a kale cleanse and smoothies were the only way how enamored by her way of life i asked her why she looked me in the eye and answered with a smile there is no guilt in eating fish they don't understand the concept of pain with their beady eyes and our needy lives it only seems fair to me i glared through the glass and I chose my entree the red snapper stared at me back from my plate its white fleshy body stripped of its iridescence there's something eery about it but it tasted decent i got a thing for eyes but fish eyes gross me out the empty dullness of an emoji who lost its mouth there something familiar about the way it flails where's the metaphor this relationship without sails with so many fish in the sea, why did you have to choose me i can't deceive through my eyes you'll just eat me alive
6.
forever lost in between the seats of a subway will you keep my hands from freezing again? i left the proof of my existence in the snow you preserved its silence floating like a ghost the smoky scent of your hair still lingers i'm trying to remember the moment you slipped through my fingers i needed you for a second when i missed your warmth i needed you for a second but now it's gone

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released June 28, 2016

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Purely.

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Suyoung Jang Brooklyn, New York

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